Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘Saturn’

Today marks the first day of my next 52-day cycle in the yearly spread of the Mystic Science of the Cards system. Entering this Saturn-ruled cycle with an Ace of Spades as my primary card, I feel the significance of what this period will bring. The Ace of Spades is one of the most ancient symbols for death and transformation, as well as deep spiritual truth. It is the one card in the 52 card deck representing the hidden truth that lies behind the veil of illusion in our earthly experience. Its energy initiates us into penetrating the distinction between what we perceive as truth and what truth actually is.

The Ace of Spades is also the symbol for The Order of the Magi. Author Robert Lee Camp states, “With its origin over 20,000 years ago in the early days of Atlantis, The Order of the Magi is probably one of the oldest spiritual organizations that has ever existed. No one knows the exact origin of the group, but evidence shows that they have maintained and preserved some of our most valuable and important spiritual sciences. These are the Magi of ancient Egypt and before, those who study the laws of nature and our cosmos, those who know the secrets of our planet as no others do and those who are dedicated to the preservation and sharing of these ancient truths.”

A basic meaning of the Ace of Spades, is “secrets.” It became a symbol for the esoteric scientists, sages, astrologers and teachers responsible for preserving and disseminating a powerful system for self understanding. The Mystic Science of the Cards was kept within a secret order, the Mystic Brotherhood, until Grand Master Olney H. Richmond made the information public with “The Mystic Test Book or the Magic of the Cards” in 1893.

So, what can I expect to have happen in this Saturn cycle of mine? Secrets revealed? Seeing beyond the veil of illusion and the initiation into deeper spiritual truths? Most definitely, a transformation and death of some sort which will have a profound impact on me. Here in the Saturn period, part of me wonders if my father will pass on. With the current astrological transits of Saturn and Pluto to my natal Sun and Mars, it is a strong possibility. Or is it only my death and a change in my work and lifestyle, relative to my offerings of this mystic system? Since all Aces represent new beginnings perhaps this one, as a Spade, merely reflects my desire and effort put forth to bring this body of knowledge and wisdom to a greater number of people through my work.

My underlying 5 of Spades gives me additional clues. This card is a strong indicator of travel, moving my home or business, a change in health. At its most basic level, the 5 of Spades means a change in lifestyle or the things that one does day in and day out. Something will change that affects the way I live or the things I do each day. There will be a restlessness and a desire for change with this card. Perhaps a dissatisfaction with the way I’m experiencing life that motivates me to want something new.

The 5 of Spades is also my Moon card in my Jack of Hearts Life Spread. It carries a Sagittarian influence which interestingly, is also where my Moon is in my natal horoscope. Restlessness and change are my inner companions, reflected consistently in my outer world. They keep life exciting for me, and I welcome them.

I’m putting these cards of transformation and change on my Kuan Yin altar, thanking the Divine Mother for Her infinite compassion, wisdom and mercy.

I’m saying a prayer for having the grace to allow life to live me, open to all that comes and goes in this holographic experience.

I’m willing to keep my heart open, and feel the truth of love in all things.

© Holly Alexander at http://www.yourdivineblueprint, 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Holly Alexander and http://www.yourdivineblueprint.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Read Full Post »

Butterfly: Original Painting by Holly Alexander

Originally published September 26, 2008

This is my favorite day of the year.   I love celebrating my birthday and I always wake up infused with the magic and possibilities of creation, the wonders of birthing a new me.

This day, this season, is when I feel the energy of planting seeds.  What I begin will show me its harvest six months from now, around the time of the Spring Equinox.

As I reflect over the past year, and particularly over the last seven years relative to transiting Saturn as it aspects my natal Moon, I feel my completion on many levels.  I have felt the “cycles within cycles,” more palpable than I can ever remember feeling them before.  I attribute this to my deep dive into the realms of astrology and the Divine Beauty of Great Mystery…and with that, my activation of a more conscious participation with my relationship to It and Me.

This past year has felt like a grand culmination of my entire life, my first 47 years.  My mantra has been about letting go, releasing, endings, death.   While my natal Moon/Jupiter in Sag holds the space of optimism for me, my enthusiastic and expanding place of vision and possibilities, it has been challenging to manifest the new, fiery creative impulse bubbling up inside of me, not quite ready to come to a boil.  I’m excited to taste that full heat and I know it is arriving soon…very soon!

For now, the message has been about freedom (Uranus), about a reclamation of my Feminine Power (Venus Return) and about taking the elixir I have distilled (Pluto), out into a larger community (Jupiter/AC Cap and Venus Return/MC, Mercury).  I look forward to sharing my medicine with you!

© Holly Alexander at http://www.yourdivineblueprint, 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Holly Alexander and http://www.yourdivineblueprint.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Read Full Post »

Photo by Holly Alexander

Originally published November 30, 2008

Saturn’s hands of time
sit me down
plainly
breathing me
into the ground

His bony knuckles
rapping on my door
pointing to his watch
speechless
he’s been here before
he knows
I’m not surprised
to see him again

Lately
he summons me from slumber
in the dark, early hours
“Stop wasting time,”
his voice urgent
and matter of fact
“You have work to do.
Get out of bed…now.”

He has me picking up pears
littered among gold-orange leaves
spotted with gray-black decay
filling garbage cans
in the sobering autumn air

The old man
has me going through filing cabinets
stored in the basement
drawers filled with
evidence of past labors
proof of days, weeks, years

That degree earned
adoption contracts and photos
of animals rescued
and taxes
paid faithfully
throwing my old self away

—November, 2008

The time has finally arrived.  I’m leaving Salt Lake and moving toward new life.  I’ve been waiting for this day, for over a year now.  It looks like I had to wait ’til transiting Saturn came around to square my Moon.  I must admit, when I looked at this upcoming transit, around a year ago, I was not looking forward to it.  As I have intimately known Saturn throughout my life (Capricorn Rising with Saturn conjunct, forming a T-square to my Sun and Mars, as well as three personal planets in the 10th house), he has shown his face to me in ways that have been…well…hard.  Restrictive.  Heavy.

As I have gotten older, I’ve gradually learned to create other experiences of him in my life.  The old Saturn in me, the critic, the perfectionist, the one who takes on the burden and feels responsible for all of it, working like hell to redeem myself, continues to leave me.  The goat that was saddled with the sins of the community, and either sacrificed or sent off into the wilderness, carrying those burdens with him.  Continually confronting authority outside of myself, feeling guilty for situations I did not create. Yeh, like I said…heavy.

For whatever reason, this time, Saturn feels different to me.  Maybe because I understand him in a way that I haven’t before.  Over time, the vulnerability of first time Cap AC, has given me an intimate understanding of this serious side of myself.  And, of my ego and the part of me that judges, compares, thinks I have to always do better.  Keeps working incessantly to change things, to “make them right.”

I remember hearing Daniel, my teacher, tell me that Saturn was the most instructive force in us, that teaches us to be free.  That is, if it doesn’t crush you.  Over the years, I have learned to make peace with this part of me, and let it go, little by little.  I can let the Saturn part of me, my strong identity with my ego, show me that through this suffering, through limitation and restriction, I can see exactly what I need to let go of.  I can release the parts of my ego that keep me imprisoned, and I can form a new relationship with Saturn that feels like a partnership of the pieces of Saturn and my ego, that actually serve me.

So, for now, I’m saying my good-byes to cherished friends, packing my life up in boxes, and moving West.  I’m California dreamin’ on such a winter’s day…

© Holly Alexander at http://www.yourdivineblueprint, 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Holly Alexander and http://www.yourdivineblueprint.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Read Full Post »

Originally published May 18, 2009

Father Time

I remember feeling like I would literally die if I didn’t leave Salt Lake City before winter hit.  Like a snake, the skin of my emotional habits had become too confining and it was time, once again, for it to shed.  I knew my oncoming Saturn initiation would be a process related to all areas represented by the Moon, and although much of it would address my inner world, I felt an overwhelming urgency to honor the beginning of the cycle externally.  On October 1st I gave my landlord a 30 day notice.  I did not know where I was going, I only knew I could no longer stay in Utah.

Transiting Saturn’s 9 month initiation cycles take us into a death and rebirth process relative to the planet, angle or node it is contacting in our natal horoscope.  At the beginning of the cycle, Father Time taps us on the shoulder, signaling the need for change.  As Saturn is related to our ego identification, its transits are a time of letting go of old attachments, forms and structures that have fulfilled their purpose and are ready to die.  Sometimes it means the literal death or ending of a person/relationship,  job/career,  home and/or lifestyle.  Even if a Saturn transit does not manifest this way, it still means a death of the current structure or form, and the birth of a new one.

Saturn cycles are work cycles and during these times, we feel the impetus to take a sobering or realistic look at the area of our life represented by what transiting Saturn is contacting in our natal chart.  Evaluating what’s working and what is not.  These are “time to change the game” periods, opportunities to reflect on the way we are playing the game of life.  Responsibility is a key word for Saturn, and these cycles offer a period of time for us to re-examine our “response ability.”

At the beginning of the initiation, it can be difficult to be clear about what we want, what the changes looks like, or the specificity of our future goals.  Oftentimes it begins with an awareness of what we no longer want, “no,” “not this,” “not that,” “can’t stand it anymore,”  “it’s time-something has to change.”  Perhaps anxiety increases at the thought of staying or continuing on in the same patterns within a current relationship, job, home, lifestyle for another 7 years when the cycle comes around again.

During Saturn cycles, we have an opportunity to see which doors are ready to close and which ones want to be opened.  Experiences in the outer world feel increasingly restrictive, limiting and binding (all Saturn keywords).  As we begin to redefine (Saturn) what matters to us in these areas of life, accessing our inner authority (Saturn), clarity increases.  We can more easily set the boundaries, limitations and restrictions for ourselves.  The need for giving ultimatums arises.  By focusing (again, Saturn) on the feedback in our external world, what’s being mirrored to us, we can make a choice to continue to struggle and meet with resistance, or let go and try something else, move on, severing the attachment in its current form.  Continuing to clarify and define what we want, and paying attention to the response in our world, shows us the path to be taken.  Where are we flowing?  What is working?  Where are we feeling rewarded for our efforts?  Where are we being amply and easily supported?

Giving my 30 day notice to move, I sent out a signal to the gods, saying I was done.  I waited for the signs to point the way to where I would go.  Within a week, I received a message so obvious and clear, and I knew my path was leading me to Santa Rosa, California.  Tuning into the timing, I delayed my departure for another month.

As I took I-80 heading west, I felt a weight (Saturn) lifting from my shoulders and a giant exhale followed – a cathartic release.  I was finally leaving this Saturn-ruled state again (Capricorn Sun), heading to California, a cycle I’ve repeated numerous times since 1980.  Each time I left Utah, I said I would never move back.  I know better than to say this now, and still…I feel more certain than ever this is my last time.

Santa Rosa would be a temporary place for me and my move here marked a transition and passage state in my life.  An in-between void space.  Deathing Utah, a difficult relationship and my old self.  Birthing a move to Hawaii, a union with my future Beloved and my new self.  Santa Rosa would serve as a safe haven for my death-conception-gestation process preceding my birth.

I knew that wherever I moved, I wanted to feel nurtured and supported.  But Saturn to the Moon can bring about experiences that are the opposite of that.  Loneliness, isolation, depression.  I was not prepared for the intensity of this. During my first 3 months in California, I went deeper into the cave, rarely leaving my house or wanting contact with the outer world.  The inner work to be done was forcing me to confront the ways I was not emotionally loving, nurturing and supporting myself.  Coming face to face with childhood and adult experiences of isolation, feelings of abandonment and no one to count on.  In my early years, the religious foundation I had was where I found my support.  Even though my conditioning was laden with harsh judgment, fear and guilt, God was always there.  I moved frequently as a child and the physical/emotional chaos and instability of my home life was countered by the stability of my experience in the Mormon community.  That foundation crumbled for me when I moved Utah (ironically) at 16 years old, and I experienced a loss so deep and great of everything I thought I knew to be true up to that point.

33 years later, I am still discovering what God is and means to me in a continually expanding quest.  Finding myself.  Coming home.  The process of integration and the movement toward wholeness has been naturally highlighted since my last Saturn initiation cycle 7 years ago, during my mid-life and its particular transits.  The longed for “Other,” deeply ingrained, as my human self has yearned for the marriage of my soul and spirit to it.  I have known myself to be on the verge of an outer marriage with my Beloved, and had enough awareness that the union must happen within me, to truly manifest my heart’s desire.

The Dweller on the Threshold

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

–The Guest House

The Essential Rumi, Translated by Coleman Barks

In Caroline Casey’s book, “Making the Gods Work For You,” she writes, “Saturn says that we will encounter any inner issues we shirk, or qualities we refuse to possess, outside ourselves in a form we might not like so much.  Without our inner authority, outer authority will direct us…challenging external circumstances drive us inward to make an appointment with Saturn to rewrite the script.  ‘How do you want your life story to proceed?’ inquires Saturn the inner author.  If we do not go inward willingly, then Saturn will reach up and yank us down forcefully.  The involuntary yanking downward is very often experienced as depression, but is instead a reminder not to live life by default.”

Saturn has traditionally been called, “the dweller on the threshold,” or “the ring-pass-not.”  Casey says, “these monikers refer to the scary initiatory ordeal each of us must undergo in which we encounter all that holds us back or keeps us fearfully obedient to a life of oppressive limitation.  Usually, the catalyst for this transformation is an experience in which we break a rule, violate a taboo, or otherwise disobey the tribal elders.”

What attachments and habits were running the script of my life, jailing me, usurping my power? The emotional prisoner of my past.  Ways of being I thought I had released reared their hideous head, breathing fiery hot breath in an effort to purify shadow pieces of my unconscious still running the show.  Casey points out that right before a change, we encounter all our obstacles to that change.  She states, “this is known as a ‘sunset effect’: as a pattern goes down, it glows most vividly.  Just before people are ready to change, they often thrash around, saying, ‘I’ve already worked through these issues, so why am I dealing with all of this again?’  The answer is, ‘these issues are coming up again because you’ve almost resolved them.’  When you feel this intensification coming on, remember Saturn’s motto: ‘Things are so hard, I must almost be done.'”

This certainly was the case for me.  Before leaving Utah, I was entangled in destructive relationships with two men.  The first one, lasting two years, continued on in an addictive fashion for over another year past my initial attempted escape.  The second, a condensed and potent caricature of the first.  These powerful relationships precipitated a healing crises for me, and I plunged deeply into the abyss of emotional currents I had consciously forgotten about.

At the same time, I had also become aware of my Witness Self, the Watcher part of me that observes my human self.  Like a loyal, steady friend to hold my hand, or a guide to shine the light on the darkness of my path, the Witness Self was a saving grace as I continued to be cooked in the cauldron of past and current fears, examining ways I was still not fully present to self-love, self-nurturing and self-support.  The ways in which I continued to doubt myself, my truth, allowing others to claim authority, power and control over me.

“Saturn says there is no shame or blame in landing hard, as long as we acknowledge that we have been thrown by the spirited horse of our own teaching,” says Casey. “The initiatory ordeal is by definition, a solitary experience that leads us to self-reflection. Solitude, Saturn’s sacramental activity, is the portal to the magical realm where power larger than us resides. Time spent alone allows us to ‘consider’ our lives, to align the inner gods with the outer gods of the cosmos, to disentangle ourselves from the phantasmagoria of seductive distractions.”

Carl Jung said, “The highest, most decisive experience is to be alone with one’s own self.  You must be alone to find out what supports you, when you find that you can not support yourself.  Only this experience can give you an indestructible foundation.”

Positive Father

Sometime at the beginning of March, I realized I had deathed what laid lurking in my darkest realms.  After repeated rounds of self-judgment (Saturn) followed by subsequent self-compassion, I fell in love with me again.  Over and over, I felt myself as a little girl-scared, lost, alone.  As I continually judged myself for allowing these malefic experiences into my life, I followed the judgment up with, “what if it’s okay?”  Saturn can represent the negative father, admonishing us with criticism, blame, pointing out our imperfections.  But what I wanted to experience of Saturn was the positive father, the one I needed to allow for “mistakes,” and lovingly point me in a better direction.  This was the masculine I wanted to more fully integrate.  Radical self-acceptance was the starting point.  Through sheer determination, focus and dedication to a breakthrough of limiting ego thoughts and emotions, I became the loving father I always wanted.  I broke the chains of fear, and found my “Other” as my wise soul and spirit, merged with my human self.  I found my way home, resurrecting an integration of Divine proportion unknown to me up until now.

Photo by Holly Alexander

Being in nature helped.  There, my soul rested and came alive at the same time.  A beautiful man appeared in my life, my “nature boy,” and my connection with what feels like “my original state,” that inner union, manifested in the outer world, miraculously showing itself to me.

This 9 month initiation feels like a lifetime. Time has slowed down and stretched itself in such a way I hardly recognize it as linear anymore.  Being circular, or feeling like a spiral, the past, present and future feel interchangeable. I am seven months into my pregnancy, and transiting Saturn has just stationed direct.  I have moved through the third stage of transition, the toughest part of my labor and am getting ready to birth the baby, my new Self.

Caroline Casey’s book, “Making the Gods Work For You,” was instrumental in bringing me to a new understanding of astrology and its archetypal language.  Caroline led me to find and study with Daniel Giamario, and the Shamanic Astrology Mystery School.  I am deeply grateful for the work these two have done, and also for Beth Wachenheim, who introduced me to Caroline’s book.

© Holly Alexander at http://www.yourdivineblueprint, 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Holly Alexander and http://www.yourdivineblueprint.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Read Full Post »

Photo by Holly Alexander

Originally published on July 14, 2009

Lost

Stand still. The trees ahead and bushes beside you,
Are not lost. Wherever you are is called Here,
And you must treat it as a powerful stranger,
Must ask permission to know it and be known.
The forest breathes. Listen. It answers,
I have made this place around you,
If you leave it you may come back again, saying Here.
No two trees are the same to Raven.
No two branches are the same to Wren.
If what a tree or a bush does is lost on you,
You are surely lost. Stand still. The forest knows
Where you are. You must let it find you.

—David Wagoner

It can be challenging to swim in the primordial waters of our psyche, in that place outside of time and space, the eternal NOW. Consensus reality (inner and outer Saturn) requires us to report for duty, have clarity about who we are and where we’re headed. It validates us for what we do know.

Many of us are confronting our fears about physical survival these days as transiting Pluto (inner and outer breakdown and transformation) in Capricorn is taking us on an underworld journey related to our personal and collective existing economic structures. Old ways of operating are no longer being supported.  And yet, there is much confusion about precisely what the new, alternative ideas and visions are for living in the world that will, and how to manifest them.

Transiting Neptune (dissolving boundaries and constructs of ego-identification and separation) continues to be on the cosmological world stage, joined by Jupiter and Chiron in Aquarius. One way to view this is as an exterior (Jupiter) and interior (Neptune) vision quest connected to seeking new information on how to fulfill our ultimate potential and finding the key which will open new doors of knowledge, wisdom, and opportunity (Chiron in its teaching aspect).

The Neptune part of us first requires a willingness to give up the old, close the doors and empty out the glass without knowing what the new will bring. Its initiation process invites us to be lost in the wilderness, wandering blindly in the dark, surrendering our attachments to current ego-identification and roles we have played.

Neptune is the antidote to the mind’s need to know. In that place of not knowing, and having faith we are being guided in the deepest recesses of our personal and collective psyche, we are giving ourselves an incredible opportunity to practice another level of spiritual mastery. Inevitably, we are led to a birth of a new identity and beginnings.

© Holly Alexander at http://www.yourdivineblueprint, 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Holly Alexander and http://www.yourdivineblueprint.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Read Full Post »